Now Casting

Imagine having a dream that you were in a play that you had never rehearsed (or even heard of) and being thrust out onto the stage. That's what my life is like now. I'm just trying to figure out what part I'm supposed to be playing.

With Training Wheels

Now that I can be sure no one is watching, I have a confession to make. There was a presence in my life, the latter part of last year, whom I was quite smitten with. True, it was probably more the idea of him that had me, but nonetheless, I was smitten. I was quite careful not to divulge too many of the details here on the internet, out of respect for what I hoped would be a full blown relationship. Alas, it came to pass that this man was not Mr. Right. I don't know exactly what he was... I do know that when he finally said to me: "I don't read people's blogs," I knew it was over.

For one thing, I thought I had come to represent more than "people" to him. And yeah, the blogging hasn't been so great lately anyway. I blame my own fears for that. Still.... I think that Holly said it best when she told me that he was my training wheels boyfriend. Granted, I have been off the horse for quite a spell and upon reflection, that was exactly what I needed to get back in the game. Of course, after a self-imposed celibacy, I feel ready to gallop a bit. Not quite up to racing again... It's strange, the nature of love. Human hearts are elastic and electric. They beat. They break. And sometimes, sometimes they attack.

Maybe that's why the mystery endures. I tried to write a love song, but ended up using the word whore anyway... What's up with that? Perhaps there's just too little of me, too. Now I've lost the track.... This I'm definitely blaming on Gwen Stefani. I tried to do a little shopping today and every store I went into was playing her fucked up new album. This shit is even more fucked up than spelling bananas! Here is, indeed, a prime example of someone with a gigantic platform and absolutely nothing to say! I miss the days when Gwen was ironic, when she was just a girl. I miss the summer of my youth. Most of all, I think I miss my heart the most.

Lately there have been flurries in the area. I'll let you know if it develops into something more.

Paying the Man

Is there a better way to spend an evening alone?

It's that season again and I am feeling the burn of being a decent and noble taxpaying citizen of this, our great country. The more you make, the more you make, the more you make... and so on, get it? Yeah, it's all jazz and it's that one elusive note, not quite heard. It makes you stronger and you don't even try. Riddle me this: What is Saviour's ultimate cure for insomnia???

Just pay the man and go.

So be it.

Rip in Heaven

I couldn't let another day go by without saying something about Anna Nicole Smith, who was an inspiration to me in my previous incarnation as a drag queen. She represented the very ideal I was ironically trying to evoke. A small town girl who used what God gave her to make it in this world. In the end, I guess it wasn't enough. It's very sad that she died the way that she did and even sadder to me that her death has prompted so many callous and barbarous remarks. I, for one, will miss Anna Nicole... With all she had been through recently, I suppose there is some comfort in knowing that she isn't suffering anymore. Heart failure, indeed.

Rest In Peace, Baby
Anna Nicole Smith
1967-2007

What's Doing?

Hello Mister.
To fully answer your question, Dale, would surely bore you to tears. So, I will provide only the most crucial of the tedious details...

I am currently in Phoenix, Arizona. I am here on business, because who the hell comes to Phoenix for pleasure? Though I did find some old printouts of local craigslist hookers in the hotel room, stashed above the TV with a dirty rag, a spoon and an empty bottle of rum. (I was looking for the Yellow Pages, so you can stop speculating.) I realize now that I work too much and have to take time for myself more often. I am missing several important social engagements this week and will probably have alienated all of my Lost Angels by the time I get back. They must be paid attention and lots of it or they float away.

I ate quite a bit of chocolate cake today and feel like I might implode.

Other than that, I will be back in rare form shortly.
(Short form rarely?)

Jazz from that special hotel,
Saviour O.