Thursday, October 06, 2005

Pee Boy

I stood there completely naked on a tiny platform, my young body shivering from the exposure, under the glare of fluorescent lights. I stared down at the cold, white tile floor of the examining room, afraid I might accidentally make eye contact with my parents or the doctor, all of whom stood on the other side of the room, watching me. The only person who seemed to understand my humiliation was the young nurse, who kept her attention on the cotton swabs she couldn't quite get organized. This is all my fault, I thought and it was. After all, it was me who couldn't stop wetting the bed. I was about to start going to school and something had to be done, so my parents sought professional help. This particular day had included all sorts of tests and examinations of my genitalia and had led up to this final humiliation. I had been instructed to disrobe and stand on a tiny platform that I suspect was designed for just this purpose. I was also forced to consume a great deal of water. Then, confirming my fears, the doctor spoke.

"Alright. If you could just pee on the floor..." The doctor said. Had I heard him correctly? Urinating where I am not supposed to is what got me into this mess in the first place. I look up, as if to say: What you talkin' about, Willis? as I had seen Gary Coleman do on TV. That's when I saw my parents faces. Mom looked as though she were about to cry and my father was not pleased with the situation either. I noticed that the nurse had tuned in to the action as well, knowing that she would be the one that had to clean it up. The doctor made his request again. "Go ahead. It's okay. Just...pee...on...the....floor."

I looked down at the sparkling clean floor, the same white tiles that all clinics and hospitals seem to have. I judged the distance between me and my audience, about ten feet. I can do this, I thought and took hold of my penis to aim.

"Don't touch it!" The doctor screeched and I immediately flung both arms away from my body. My parents exchanged concerned glances. The nurse suppressed a giggle and I began to panic. What will happen if I don't aim? I might pee all over everybody... Suddenly, I decided that would be just the thing to do. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled, a healthy burst of urine shot out onto the pristine floor. I really had to go and I made a sizable puddle. The last drops fell closer to me than the initial blast and I was grateful to be up on the platform. To my dismay, not one drop of pee got on the doctor, or anyone else. I looked up and smiled, pleased with myself anyway. Everyone's attention was now on the doctor, awaiting his diagnosis.

"Well," he said, "There is nothing wrong there. Everything is functioning normally, but I am still concerned about that testicle."

That testicle. My stupid, undescended testicle! Which, through earlier tests, the doctor had determined was there but just didn't want to come out to play. I didn't blame it, after all the poking and prodding the other "descended" testicle had endured. I would hide, too. Doctor Willis made a motion for me to walk around the puddle and I did. The nurse handed me back my hospital robe, which I was more than happy to have back on. Then we all walked out of the room, leaving her to her task. As the door closed behind us, I looked back and saw her unfurling a roll of paper towels. She looked right at me. She looked sad.

I was led into another room by a different nurse and given back my civilian clothes. My parents accompanied the doctor into his office, where I supposed they discussed what I look like naked. I imagined Doctor Willis explaining all about my penis and undescended testicle. My father sniffing his fingers in the hope of extracting some of the nicotine lingering there. My mother wondering what she had done wrong... Truthfully, I didn't see what the big deal was. It wasn't like I peed in their bed every night. I was used to it. I had never slept on a mattress that didn't have plastic sheets under the soft cotton ones. And I didn't care. My parents, on the other hand, were horrified by it. Was this the beginning of a lifelong obsession with by bedroom behaviours? I shuddered at the thought as I redressed.


1 comment:

Bored Dominatrix said...

So glad you're telling this story! David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs would be jealous of material like this.