Let It Bleed

It's Monday morning and I am back at my Good Old Desk, contemplating the cosmos, muscle aches and lunch orders. I absolutely can't wait for the weekend, when I shall run away from Los Angeles and leave behind all my problems. At least that's the fantasy version of it. I'm feeling full lately, like an old sponge that needs to be rinsed, squeezed and hung out to dry.... Do you ever have the need for a good old-fashioned blood-letting? I have absorbed just about all I can take in.

My meditation practice has been spotty lately. Sometimes sleeping in seems more appealing than sitting up and chanting. I am trying to get back on course. It's been a rough month on the homefront. I might have mentioned that.... I'm fully settled into the idea of the HOLIDAYS being an unavoidable phenomenon, so I am embracing them in an attempt to maybe get a little release from the pressure of being alive. There is something so surreal about this time of year in Los Angeles. The faux fall decorations, all orange and brown, followed by the various forms of white meant to represent snow or cocaine, depending on what part of LA you are in.

Days like this make me want to listen to Hole. I just hate being in a situation where I'm kicking myself and saying: "I should have listened to Courtney Love!" She's like a V-8, that girl....

It DOES Get Better

I have a lot of thoughts on the subject of gay suicide, but I want to be able to give it the attention it deserves. In the meantime, I AM wearing purple today (and pretty much everyday) in a show of support. If you are the victim of bullying, take it from me... They will get what's coming to them. Karma is a beautiful thing. Just be strong... Listen to your favorite album and imagine all the fabulous things you will accomplish.


Being young is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced, but I got through it. There is a much better world waiting for you just around the corner. Be brave, kids...

Negative Space

Had yet another oral surgery today.... Fun with a capital F! Drove myself home wondering if, indeed, this is real life? But you know, I never wanted to be your weekend lover. Also, I think it's high time we all delete Sally Field from our friends list because... No, we don't really like you, Gidget.

In the absence of loftier goals, I've been communing with negative space. I fill it with positive energy and watch the elementary fireworks until I finally give in to the moment just after it's passed. Think, think, think... What would Zizek do? Or Kant? Or Jeremy Bieber?

Yes, you read that right: Jeremy Bieber, father of Justin. That's a father worth googling, if googling fathers is indeed your bag. It's only occasionally MY bag, depending of course on whether or not it goes with my ensemble for the day. Mother wanted me to come out in a kimono. We had a horrible fight....

A bit of paranoia struck me earlier, regarding bed bugs and the state of my couch. Though it was well into the evening's television programming, I busted out the steamer and gave the entire living furniture the once over. I'm not really sure if steam adversely affects bed bugs, but it did make me feel better. Plus, adding a couple of drop of lavender essential oil into the machine makes it all smell spring time fresh!

I start back to work tomorrow after an all too brief hiatus that was more drama filled than an episode of Desperate Housewives. We've had guests, honey. It hasn't been pretty. I'm wondering why I feel the need to smudge this entire apartment with sage??

Give us this day our daily check, please!

Highly Domestic

A little late for spring cleaning, but still I am compelled to dust off the evil of neglect and start anew. Housekeeping is such a temporary satisfaction. It seems that no sooner have I cleared the clutter and it has begun all over again. As usual, I wonder what it is I am avoiding by playing housewife to myself. Surely there are some incredibly manly things that I can't bear to begin. And so it is that I find myself blogging this sunny California afternoon.

My teeth feel tight.

I've been eating sugar and far too much sugar lately. Trying, unsuccessfully to satiate this longing.... I was entirely unprepared for the fact that the HOLIDAYS are upon us. It still feel like summer to me. But, I can't argue with the Halloween displays at the local drugstore, or the Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations starting to fill the local stores.... Didn't we just do this? I'm not ready for another year. I want to take this holiday off.... I dread the food. The shopping... The traffic, the traveling... The family and predictability of it all.

On the other hand, I really don't know what else I would rather be doing.

I've eaten all the macaroons I've been given.

It's Like a Dog, It Will Bite You...

I return to the keyboard, mouse and publish button. It's not that I didn't have fun with my other mistresses, canvases, paints and guitars... Just that I hate the Dilettante card. Hate, hate, hate it.... No, I would much rather be an Artist. True Artist. Favorite Artist. Anything but an amateur.

I cut my own hair last night. Chopped at it viciously with a scissor until I could regain my composure enough to stop. It looks okay. Would probably be a better look if this was 1963. No, you can't see a picture. I will have to turn in my hipster union card, though. I'm totally uncool right now. Maybe that admission makes me cool again. But I have a slight headache, oatmeal to eat and a body to punish at the gym.

I hope that we can be friends again. All my imaginary ones have long since left the building... Come back to the five and dime with me?

God's Greatest Hits

Super duper deep in a Nilsson moment right now. What an amazing genius talent that man was! Words cannot describe... If you only know "Without You" or "Everybody's Talkin'"- you simply have no idea. Go get some Nilsson music today!!! It will change your life.

I miss blogging like I used to do. No one burned down the temple but me. I hope to return. The tumblr is unfulfilling and twitter gives me ADD. My facebook is like a shitty magazine of People I happen to know. I'm bored by the internets and glistening for the next big thing... I'd rather be dead than wet my bed, too, Harry.

Follow Me

I tumblr for ya!

Forever Again

Thought I would share this old song. Pretty much sums up where I'm at tonight....



Forever Again

you already let me down
left me alive enough to hate the sound
voices in the other room
birds at night contemplate my doom

take what you will and get out
leave me to disintegrate into the void
i used to be a challenger
now all that's left is a scared little boy

carving out my history
was it the needle that set me free?

when love goes wrong, as it often does
you can still move on
but death, it seems, wants something more
than a little piece of me

I could be lethal
I can be cruel
I can sense a target
Inside of you

It's my new best friend
on the ride with me
Til the bitter end
It's my destiny:

learn how not to be alone
forever
again

Written and performed by Saviour Onassis
®

Patti Smith "You Light Up My Life" on "Kids Are People Too"

Coachella 2010

Beard the Lion

When I quote William Shakespeare, you reply in Dickinson...
But your multitude of angels can't compare to my wit, man!

I never predicted that growing facial hair would garner me compliments like: "Nice beard!" Standard response, thus far has been: "Yeah, Nicole Kidman is busy, so...." No one gets it, but I don't care.

I'm really only afraid of looking like a fleet fox or some other harbinger of hipsterdom. If only there was a way to wake up tomorrow with the full glory of Whitman's white mane. How long did that sort of gravitas take to cultivate anyway?

Recently, I've been planning my Coachella experience, which happens this coming weekend. I am very excited. Camping again in the Polo Fields. It's as close to nature as I like to get. I still have a lot to do this week and have very little get up and go at present. Sometimes I feel like a careless whisper. Though I aspire to live la vida loca.... Martin over Michael. Also, it pains me to admit that in the Walt department, I prefer Disney to Whitman. Though, I can proudly proclaim de la Renta loses sorely to Wilde in my personal Oscar race. Have I gone off subject again?

I recommend burrowing deep into THE WORM, if you got the time.

Awake and Die

Despite indications to the contrary, awesome seems the only word fit to describe my current state of being. Though, if asked how I feel... I may be inclined to respond: lavendar in order to indicate the relative calm, relaxed and somewhat satiated presentness of my situation. All this and the knowledge that what I think and feel are rather ridiculous functions and by-products of my brain and body. Who cares what I think or feel? I am certainly learning not to and that, my friends, is awesome.

Rebirth has its merits. Also, it tends to be less sticky, which is a quality I find myself seeking more and more.

If you had to, could you make God in a lineup?

Name him? Finger him? Identify him? J'accuse!

For me, it would depend on where they placed the mirror.

And

which side

of the glass

I was on.

We Make Contact

Thankfully, the horror that was last decade is finally over. Two thousand nine will forever be remembered as a year of massive loss. So long, farewell, etc....

If, as promised, we make contact this year... I hope that it will be to our collective advantage.