live alone

Wherever you are
Whoever is there
You'll know that I'll be here
I'll be here
Wishing I could be there

Awake and Die

Despite indications to the contrary, awesome seems the only word fit to describe my current state of being. Though, if asked how I feel... I may be inclined to respond: lavendar in order to indicate the relative calm, relaxed and somewhat satiated presentness of my situation. All this and the knowledge that what I think and feel are rather ridiculous functions and by-products of my brain and body. Who cares what I think or feel? I am certainly learning not to and that, my friends, is awesome.

Rebirth has its merits. Also, it tends to be less sticky, which is a quality I find myself seeking more and more.

If you had to, could you make God in a lineup?

Name him? Finger him? Identify him? J'accuse!

For me, it would depend on where they placed the mirror.

And

which side

of the glass

I was on.

Do I Not Bleed?

As I mentioned before, I have a hole that needs fixing. Not a temporary filling, but a permanent closure that will prevent that which is within me from coming out. I have elected to have surgery, right away. Tomorrow, in fact, tomorrow afternoon.

I suppose it would behoove me to stop being so elusive and just come out with it. There is, unfortunately, nothing very poetic about a hernia. In fact, this hernia is a result of residual trauma from a previous hernia surgery I had nine years ago. See, they punched a hole through my abdominal wall with a camera and then forgot to close up that hole when they were done. Over the years, as I gained and lost many pounds, the hole started to stretch larger until little bits of my guts could ooze out. I would just push them back in and go about my business, but since I recently started strength training at the gym, the problem has gotten worse...

I decided that I needed to have this done right away, because, truthfully, is there ever really a convenient time to have surgery? Besides, I like the symbolism of it. All the energy that has escaped through the hole in my navel will be reclaimed. I will be born anew and emerge even stronger... Like the Six-Million Dollar Man or the Bionic Woman or Madonna. It will be great.

I will keep you posted on my progress.
Be with me,
SO