Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 03, 2011
Let's try an experiment. Who here can say beyond doubtful shadows that they love themselves just as they are without conditions? Without exceptions? Fuck me, I'm failing; we all seem to say. Desperately seeking... And still the beast goes on. Always hungry and haunting. Crying into the night as the siren on the rocks. Bring me a sense of humor and a water back, goddammit! I ate the seventh seal and clubbed it's baby.
We are taught, early on, what to think but not how to think. I think it's a shame there is so much shame. Pepper spray is the accessory of the season. It's quite striking next to the indifference and self-indulgence that seem to have taken the world by storm. Is it better to stay true to oneself or go with the latest trends? I can't decide really, since the latest fashion seems to have originated in the deepest corners of my soul. Mint in spring? I will keep my eyes and closet open to it.
I promise you this, cowboy: To cherish your sweet memory even as I devour your archetype. And if on these coldest of nights you hear me howling, know that it is for you that I croon.
I will rise.
And I will return.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, October 02, 2011
1) New York City For obvious reasons... My first trip, my fortieth summer, was life altering. I was asked recently how I managed to AVOID going to New York for so long. My reply? "Fear." I want no more of that...
2) The Night Circus Simply a beautiful story of love, magic and mystery... I don't read a lot of novels anymore, but I should. This was a wonderful reintroduction to the world of new fiction. I cried like a baby by the end of this....
3) Drive A strange and compelling film that reminded me that heroes come in many forms and that our gifts are also our curse. Plus, Ryan Gosling.
* * *
I have been working far too much on things that I don't really care about and I think might actually be very bad for me. I need to stop doing that.
Trying to identify my bliss is harder than I thought it would be. At least, the ugly rational part of me tries to get me to believe that. Will my intuition win out? I certainly hope so.
The hardest part of this journey is the return. Wish me luck. I think I need it.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
That's basically where I've been for the last eight and a half months.... An incubation period, for sure. Reading over my blog, I figure I have to set the record straight on a few points, for my own mind's clarity. I forget, sometimes, that growth is painful and confusing. But I always seem to come out the other side. For better or for worse, legal or not, I'm married to myself.
I've had a lot going on this year, but nothing that really damaged my root system. Leaves are beginning to sprout again and that's a good thing. I think that my trip to New York (what was that?) helped. It's like that self-help book I own but have never read: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I realized that I am downright terrified of a great many things, but I am also an incredibly adaptable/mutable being. So, fear is really just something to take note of, not to live by.... Fear is a soul-eater, too.
I've been doing some thinking about what it all means.... My life purpose, blah, blah, blah... I think that maybe it's not so tough to figure out. Maybe the answer is right in front of me. I just have to open my eyes to the possibility and the possibility will open it's eyes to me.
Here's looking at you, kid!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Or maybe the French subtitles...
I feel like reaching out.
My loneliness attacks in sudden bursts and my tears aren't shy.
The only "like minds" seem so far away.
Angel McQueen, I need you now.
Do something magic, so I can believe...
Monday, June 06, 2011
This July 4th and that week, I will be in NYC for the first time. If you have any suggestions as to what I absolutely must experience while I am there, please let me know.
I am quite excited about this trip. Lifelong dream is finally coming to fruition.... I definitely want to see a Broadway show, Central Park, etc... I will be staying in Midtown.