Saturday, April 22, 2006


I don't know why I thought that repainting my bathroom would be fun. I was all excited as I purchased the necessary supplies at my local Lowe's. The color I picked was "Ultra White", which I thought sounded really cool and would be a much needed improvement on the dingy "Ugly White" that was already there. I drove home frantic. I could hardly contain myself as I scrounged around for a screwdriver to pop open the can. I popped, I poured, and I dipped my roller. Then I started to paint. After about thirty seconds on the ceiling, it hit me: This fucking sucks! Somehow in my excitement, I had forgotten one crucial detail. I absolutely detest manual labor, but now I was committed and had to press on.

I'm not sure how long I was in there, breathing the fumes, sweating profusely and cursing under my breath. But the finished result was nice. It's fairly shocking to see an entire room painted "Ultra White" and I understand why people shy away from it, opting for a more subdued "Apache White" or "Eggshell." I like it and it comes in handy in the morning, when I am still groggy. It says: Wake the fuck up! This is the FUTURE!

Also, if anybody asks, I can say Stanley Kubrick designed it.

The pictures don't do justice to the utter lack of subtlety.

1 comment:

Dale said...

Stanley's last great act. I want to see you on a Big Wheel motoring down the hallway there. Then ask Stanley for some advice on the sink. I think it would be a nice contrast to have blood burbling up a little from the drain.