Saturday, March 31, 2007


Charlie has this sign on his refrigerator that says: "H.A.L.T. Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired" It's a recovery slogan, designed to help keep life in balance. Here is my problem.

I'm Hungry. I have a profound need for love. To be loved, to give love, to fill the hole deep inside of me. Are desire and hunger so different? Looking back at the choices I have made in my life, I am starving.

I'm Angry. I am angry at myself for the choices I have made. I am angry about the hand I've been dealt. I am angry that there is nothing I can do to control certain situations. I feel helpless.

I'm Lonely. Which also feeds the anger. Who could love me? I feel desperately alone in this world sometimes. I have so much love to give. I want someone who is man enough to accept it.

I'm Tired. At the end of it all, I'm just really tired of it all. I'm tired of being hungry, lonely and angry. I keep trying to think of good reasons to stick around. And just when I think I've found it, it's taken away. The universe says: "Here. Isn't this great? Isn't it exactly what you wanted? But NO! It's not for you!"

I feel like Nancy Spungeon right now.

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