Sunday, October 02, 2005

I'm Desperate

Somedays, I don't even leave my apartment. I don't have to anymore. Anything I desire, I can find through my beautiful iBook. The future is here and it's not nearly as dreadfully boring as George Lucas would have us believe. Just about everything you could imagine, is at your fingertips. At a whole lot more, if you are not careful. For instance, I don't recommend ordering pizza from New York, if you live in Los Angeles. Or a bride from Russia. Or a quickie with a stranger. Stick to things you can rely on being fresh and exactly what you want. One such item I have had pretty good luck with is T-shirts. After all, you can't find a "What would Courtney do?" Tee at Target.

My most recent acquisition was this:

I absolutely adore the show, Desperate Housewives, and didn't hesitate for an instant when I ordered it. It wasn't until later, while I chipped ice out of my antique freezer, that I pondered the meaning of the message. This was one of two "men's" shirts for sale. The other said "Everyone has a little Dirty Laundry." But the one I purchased, not just because it was on sale, clearly says something else about me. I might as well have bought a shirt that says "I'm Gay," that's the real message behind the mantra. I thought it was cute and funny, only now are the deeper implications sinking in.

The ladies shirts are just as obvious. Which Housewife are you? "I'm an Edie" = "I'm a Slut", and so on, fulfilling all sorts of archetypical heroines from Mother to Martha. And I do suppose that it is those archetypes that appeal to me. Of course, they are all much more complex than they appear, but my question is this: What straight man would wear a T-shirt that proclaims "I'm Desperate"?

Unlike Andrew, I am all about the chocolate. Vanilla only goes in my morning tea and I am comfortable with that. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that when this shirt arrives, I will fear wearing it. On the contrary, I look forward to it. After all, I am desperate and I am not afraid to let people know. I may even order the "I'm an Edie."

Yes, life on Wisteria Lane can sometimes be complicated, but a little fashion sense goes a long, long way.


Holly said...

I am sure you'll look DESPERATELY SMASHING in this new tee.

I almost never wear clothes with words on them--I think that comes from having to wear a name tag for a year and a half.

Saviour Onassis said...

Yeah, I kind of like being a walking endorsement of things I deem worthy of endorsing or, conversely subverting, or both.

Like my favorite tee, which is a concert shirt from Samantha Fox circa 1989. It is by far the most desperately smashing thing I own.