Saturday, March 31, 2007

Identikit Crisis

So... It seems I have fended off what had the potential to be a full-blown nervous breakdown, if you were curious. Earlier today, I was hungry, angry, lonely and tired... This condition is best demonstrated by Dame Elizabeth Taylor in this crazy ass clip from "The Driver's Seat" aka "Identikit."



I certainly didn't ask for a stain resistant dress, but I could use a more stain resistant heart...

I strolled down Ventura Boulevard, thinking about my life as it is today. I stopped into a pet store, lured by the aquariums, and stood watching a nervous little bottom-feeder. What was he so nervous about? It seemed as if he were about to jump out of the tank. That's when I noticed the aquariums other occupant: a shark. Albeit, a small shark, but a toothy monster, nonetheless. I don't think the shark was interested in eating him. The store owners know which fish can tank together without killing each other, right? Enthralled by the drama, I watched as the shark got closer and closer to the sucker, then he suddenly turned and swam the other way. There would be no bloodshed here. I bid the pair farewell and carried on my way.

At the new age bookstore I saw a sign for psychic readings, so I figured... Why not? I've been to psychics before and was impressed at the wisdom you can buy for twenty dollars and fifteen minutes of your life. This lady was good. I won't go into what she told me, as it was private and none of your business. It was mostly stuff I already knew, but as I was leaving she felt compelled to add: "Here is what you don't know about yourself... You are not some beat-up old jalopy. Darling, you are a Bentley! Stop selling yourself for five dollars!" I have heard this metaphor before, it has to do with self-worth and in some ways I'm inclined to agree. I'm very expensive, like white diamonds...

Here's a little word of advice: If you should ever want to take this Bentley for a test drive, make sure you can afford to buy it. Otherwise, you are doing us both a disservice. And yes, when I orgasm, I orgasm... Maybe it's time for a diet.

4 comments:

Tumuli said...

You're more like the rarest jewel on earth. But stain-resistant hearts are equally rare...

Saviour Onassis said...

Thank you, Tumuli. That means a lot to me.

Reese said...

Saviour, you seem very down and out, my friend.

If it makes you feel better, I am down and out, too. So that makes two mega babes (me and you) who have seen better days.

But I actually bought that book "maybe he's not that into you," and am embarassed to say that it was helpful.

Chin up, peanut!

Saviour Onassis said...

I might check out that book, Reese. Yeah, I've been feeling down lately.

It will pass, it always does.