Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wanted: Letters and Sodas

What ever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who tries to win you over, and
What ever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who makes love cause he's in it, and

I want a boyfriend
I want a boyfriend
I want all that stupid old shit
Like letters and sodas
Letters and sodas

~Liz Phair "Fuck and Run"


When asked what I want for Christmas this year, I am really inclined to go with Our Phair Lady and say: Letters and Sodas, all that stupid old shit that goes along with a boyfriend. I recently decided to reenter the dating pool and see what I could find, but that doesn't mean I am not open to cyber-romantic overtures. So, if you have ever proposed marriage to me in the past, please consider this your opportunity to re-ignite my passions. Please send the appropriate propositions to my email, which is available if you know where to look. I am fully expecting my stocking to get stuffed this year...

In other news: I suppose it was a subconscious reaction to Britney Spears recent cooter-flashing behaviour, that I dreamt last evening, of newlywed Tom Cruise shouting "Show me the modesty!" at me, as I lie supine upon a vast wedding bed in a castle far away... I complied and he promptly turned into what I can only describe as a werewolf or Kid Rock. It's so hard to decipher dream imagery, isn't it?

Anyway, I am not really expecting anyone to go out and buy me a boyfriend for Christmas, but suggestions as to who, or what type of man you think would be good for me, are greatly appreciated. And by the way, has anyone seen Mitch lately? He seems to have gone missing, yet again....

Most Sincerely,
Saviour Onassis

5 comments:

SlayGirl said...

"suggestions as to who, or what type of man you think would be good for me, are greatly appreciated."

You are such a complex, creative, beautiful person I would say someone who deserves you. Don't settle for less.

I hope Mitch comes back soon.

Saviour Onassis said...

Thanks, SlayGirl... That's something to consider. I would hate to think I've settled for some undeserving bastard. I definitely need to set my sights on someone who appreciates complexity, creativity and beauty.

Last I heard from Mitch, he said he was going to get a perm and I haven't seen him since....

Bored Dominatrix said...

Why, just yesterday, I quoted the very same lines myself. I want a boyfriend, and all the stupid old shit, too!

As for who what kind of man you should look for.... at the risk of sounding a bit predictable, may I suggest someone bright enough to value you primarily for your incredible talent, sparkling wit and generous heart, and, recognizing the value of these traits, feels himself INCREDIBLY LUCKY to get a blow job from such a rare and wondrous guy?

Dale said...

I have to click 'Other' to post comments now. Significant?

BD said what I would have said, but better.

Tumuli said...

You deserve a prince, because you are one.