Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A Star Is Bored (part two)

By this time, I was fully committed to the idea of running away and joining the circus. I tried many times to telepathically contact a young Eastern European trapeze artist I had read about in the library. I found the notion of wearing tights and making a living, very appealing. There was no response.

Back in Arizona, I found myself in a junior high school locker room. Here, there was no Xanadu escape clause, I would endure the horror of dressing, undressing, sweating and showering with boys, roughly my age. I say roughly because of the curious nature of sexual development at this age. Some were still boys, others were men... One of these men was Chad.

Chad's locker was next to mine, an unfortunate side effect of the alphabet, and this made for a very uncomfortable circumstance. I was an average twelve year old. Chad was a hairy giant, towering over the rest of us like a peacock in his prime. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but Chad appointed me his "butler," which meant that I took his clothes from him as he undressed, folded them and placed them neatly in his locker. Then I handed him his Phys. Ed. clothes. This was repeated after class, with the addition of being his towel boy, and in all cases, his naked, fully mature body was displayed uncomfortably close.

I guess I didn't mind this submissive role, because I played it for two years. It was torture. It brought unwanted attention to me in the place I wanted most to be invisible. The payoff was that Chad was not only my "master" but my bodyguard, as well. No one would dare mess with Chad's butler! This meant I only had to "please" my master. But my protector was also my greatest nemesis. If he was angry, I would feel the wrath of his cruelty. He would suggest that I suck his dick, in front of everyone. Sometimes he would shove his sweaty underwear in my face. He would punch me, almost daily. I was desperately attracted to him and passionately hated him. I wished that Chad would die. I needed an escape, big time.

That's when I began my acting career, studying the dramatic arts with Mrs. Clark in Room 202. I switched my junior high "major" from Journalism to Drama, half-way through the year and was soon cast a the lead in a play. I found it incredibly easy to become someone else. To play out the problems and emotions of a character, was ridiculously easy for me. The attention being on stage brought to me was better than the infamy I already had as "butler" to the school stud. If people were going to notice me, then I would give them something to talk about.

I heard about a new theater group for kids that was holding auditions. I begged my mother to take me and she reluctantly agreed. The play was called "Cinderella Rock" and was a reimagined version of the fairy tale set in the fifties and utilized classic rock and roll songs. It was a musical and I was ready for the challenge. I was cast as Cinderella's father, a role I didn't remember from other versions of the story. I had one song to sing: "Chantilly Lace." Now, my memory here is fuzzy. Why would Cinderella's father sing her a song that proclaims "ooh baby, that's what I like"? The play was stupid. But it was my first real role in a show that people actually paid to see. It was official. I was a starlet.

The theater group, Limelight, became a regular thing for me, as well as my participation in school plays. I was always busy being someone. I looked forward to high school, where I could take Drama with a teacher who, rumor was, had actually been on "General Hospital!" Graduation approached and so did "prom", though at the eighth grade level, it was a sorry event. Chad was named Prom King. I skipped the event altogether, I think I had rehearsal that night. In my yearbook, Chad wrote: You've been a great "butler" and a cool friend. I'll ring you up and we'll go PARTY! Laters, Chad. He never called and that fall, as we entered our freshman year, I learned that Chad had indeed partied over the summer. Lots of high school kids liked to drive to AP (Agua Prieta) across the border in Mexico, to drink and party. Chad was decapitated in a car accident coming back from AP. He was fourteen. I got my wish and I was free.

1 comment:

polly pixie said...

You remind me of J.T Leroy (",)