Just got back from the gym, where I experienced my first session with a professional trainer. She kicked my ass. Yes, SHE! I am proud to announce that I have a female trainer. This is good for me for several reasons, none of which I feel I have to explain. I'm excited about doing some strength training because I have been lots of things in my life, but "buff" has never been one of them. Maybe this will help with my self-esteem. Maybe this will get me laid more often. Maybe this will save my life. Who knows?
I've been freaking out lately, mostly because of the horrible, cruel, disturbing world of courtship and dating. You see, after five years of self-imposed celibacy and reflection, I stupidly decided to start dating again. I simply wanted to meet people, have fun, get laid, feel human... Normal, right? I'm not ready to commit to anything. I just wanted to break out of the monastery. I really don't want to think about the long term implications of romantic/sexual involvement. I guess it's a lot to ask of someone to feel the same way. I just want to be happy.
And I don't mean the brand of happiness Virginia Woolf felt as she filled her pockets with rocks. Though that particular image has its appeal, I should really wait until someone gives a shit before sinking under the waves. By someone, of course, I mean everyone. So, please, let me know how little you care. I thrive on rejection, humiliation and abandonment. As a friend pointed out to me: "Just because it happened to you, doesn't make it interesting to anyone else..."
Life, love, and even death take a lot of work.
Are you experienced?