Sunday, June 18, 2006

Mitch's Special Nachos

One of the greatest things about blogs is the fact that people will occasionally post recipes, which invariably give much greater insight into their secret world. Holly does this on occasion and I thought it was about time that I shared a little culinary advice.

Okay. Say you are sitting around in your underwear, you are slightly drunk and a tad peckish. That's what Mitch and I were when we came up with this recipe.

"I wish I had, like, some nachos." Mitch said.

"Ooh, yeah!" We both bolted off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Mitch found some processed pre-grated mild cheddar in the fridge, as I pulled out a plate and grabbed the chips. It was a bag that I have been working on and it didn't look good. You know how the bottom of the bag seems to collect the tiny broken pieces and crumbs? That's what I found.

"Fuck! I guess we are out of luck," I told Mitch.

"Nonsense!" Said Mitch, as he grabbed my large salad bowl. (Yeah, I own a large salad bowl. This is the first time it's been used for anything.) Then he dumped the entire bag of chips into the bowl and began to sort through them. To my surprise, there were plenty of "nacho worthy" chips hidden amongst the crumbs. We arranged them on the plate and covered them with tons of cheese. I tossed the remaining crumbs into the trash and Mitch carefully loaded the plate into the microwave.

"Be careful," I warned. "It doesn't melt cheese very well. Half will be fried to a crisp and half will still be cold."

"Darling, darling, my darling boy," Mitch cooed. "Let me show you something." He pointed to the control panel of the microwave and a small drawing of a piece of pizza. Mitch then pressed it and the oven fired up. Two minutes and counting. I thought for sure it would burn and tried to protest, but Mitch just pressed his finger to my lips. Naturally, I bit him before starting to suck on his finger and before I knew what had happened, the microwave dinged.

We popped open the door to view the results. What do you know? The cheese had melted perfectly over the entire surface. I wondered why I had never noticed the pizza feature before, especially since nachos are really just dozens of tiny pizzas. God, I love Mitch! We topped off the nachos with salsa and retired to the couch to pig out.

In case you missed it, here is the recipe:
    Mitch's Special Nachos
    a bunch of tortilla chips
    tons of cheese

    Place the chips onto a microwave safe plate,
    then cover with cheese.
    Microwave on the "pizza" setting.
    (Approximately 2 minutes at some magical power setting)

    Top off with your favorite salsa.
    (We like El Pinto medium with a splash of Tapatio for kick.)

I hope you like this recipe. I have another one that I hope to post soon that involves "weiners." Happy cooking, y'all!


Mitch said...

You forgot to mention the Jalepeno pieces bitch. Oh wait, I think I put those up my ass. Is that why I had fire hole?

Saviour Onassis said...

I wondered where those jalepenos went... Now I know why you were so HOT in the sack last night.

Mike said...

Hey Mitch- I've been reading about you and find you completely fascinating. Wayne is a terrific writer and I hope you appreciate what a genius he is. What a great friend you have there.

PS. I've heard milk helps with the hotness-- at least when you eat the things. Not sure if you're up for a skim enema. Could be fun I guess.


Mitch said...

thanks. Yeah he's great and such a talented knitter too.
I have to get back to my corn cob. I've relapsed. Don't tell Wayne.

Oh by the way, I have to go to Pacoima to see my sister Lexi. Know any AC groups up there? She's graduating from cosmetology school next week. God I hope I can keep myself away from the curling irons. I had a bad incident with one a year or so ago. Maybe Wayne will share the story... I hope not actually.

Saviour Onassis said...

Thank you, Mike.

Mitch and I have been through a lot together, thick and thin, you might say. He has graciously granted me permission to share our adventures with the world, however mundane they may be. Stay tuned... The proverbial cup runneth over.

Saviour Onassis said...

I read this stuff, Mitch!

I am beginning to think that it was a mistake to let you comment here when there are plenty of other worthwhile things you could be doing... Like kissing my ass, for instance, for making you a STAR!

Choose your words wisely, Mister.

mitch said...

Ok let's not get nasty on here for all the world to see. I was a worthwhile person before this blog and I will be worthy after. Remember that's what Dr. Bertoff said at the Chopra center when we were on the self-esteem retreat? Oh wait, you fell asleep in meditation class and didn't wake up until Tuesday-- something about muscle relaxers, a hot sauna and a night on the beach in La Jolla. Ah memories.

Saviour Onassis said...

Dear "Mitch",

You, Sir, are an internet fraud! You have maliciously and cruelly posted comments on this blog under the stolen identity of my very dear friend Mitchell. I know this for a fact because A) Mitch is my one and only imaginary best friend and B) We have never been to a "self-esteem retreat" at the Chopra Center and C) I am sitting on Mitch's big fat cock right now!

I will post all about the horrifying confrontation I had with Mitch over this whole affair tomorrow. Until then, know that future comments from "Mitch" will be rejected upon receipt.

Good day, Sir.
I said: Good Day!

Francoise Le Gouche said...

Can you prepare this recipe with Brie as well? I'm parital to it and I was thinking that it would be just as delicious and really a special treat for those of us who are more refined. With a glass of Cotes du Rhone perhaps?

Ann Curry said...

I'd like to inquire about the availability of Wayne and Mitchell for a cooking segment on TODAY. Perhaps July 6th? Now that Katie's gone I can do whatever the fuck I want to on this show and I love nachos.

Diane Sawyer said...

Wait a minute! Step back sister. You ain't gonna scoop my ass on this one. I want then on GMA and I can do it this TUESDAY! Plus Oprah is my friend so there.

gayle king said...

Settle down ladies. We've got em in August's O mag. MMMMKAY?!