I have talent for certain things, but lack the tenacity required to bring them to fruition. Yes, I have tried eradicating entire elements from my life in order to make room for more worthwhile accoutrements; like a moral compass, blind ambition or even security. This is my undoing, have undone it all. Which is precisely why, when Mitch called today, I was forced to humble myself. My problems are not "all that", after all.
Mitch runs a support group for people who suffer from AC. If you are unfamiliar with this syndrome, please allow me to explain: AC stands for "anal compulsive", in other words, people who can't stop shoving things up their own ass. So, Mitch's little group meets twice a month, in order to encourage each other, offer support, etc. Having been a long term bed-wetter, I am more than familiar with the internal power issues at work here, admittedly, in reverse. For me, the problems had to do with inappropriate release and were cured by identifying what it was that I was afraid of "letting go." Those with AC, however, are compelled to "possess" things which are not natural. Imagine, if you will, trying to fill the emptiness you feel about the world, your life, your broken dreams... Literally, filling that void by sticking inappropriate objects up your bottom.
Mitch has been quite successful in helping people with AC, having suffered from it himself for years. He was able to transform his addiction by adopting a more philosophical approach towards his "hole", and the time he spent in prison helped a lot, too. When he called today, I knew that something was wrong. Had he relapsed again? I thought. Through his tears, he was able to explain.
"You remember Danika, right?" Mitch asked.
"The pretty one with the Care Bear tattoo?"
"Uh-Huh. She's in the hospital."
"My God! What happened?"
"Well, do you remember her pet iguana, Igor?"
"Holy - Wow, that's gotta hurt!"
"They tried to save Igor, but...I, I - It's just so awful."
Unfortunately, this happens far more often than you would think. I get calls like this from Mitch and I just don't know what to do. And so, dear reader, I implore you: If you find yourself looking at something and thinking "I wonder..." DON'T DO IT! Especially when the lives of small animals are involved. Make Jell-O, instead! It takes a long time and beats the shit out of trying to explain why there is an iguana up your ass!
Then, I had to go over and comfort poor Mitch. I drove him to the hospital to visit Danika and made the mistake of stopping by the gift shop.
"What are you doing?" Mitch practically squealed.
"I don't want to show up empty handed..." I replied.
"Don't you understand?" Mitch asked with tears welling up in his eyes. "Everything in this room is a temptation!"
I looked around at the rows of stuffed animals, balloons and candy. "I guess I really don't understand." Then I followed Mitch into the elevator, empty-handed and grateful for my own lack of tenacity.