Monday, June 12, 2006

Sunday Bloody Mary

So, JR and I went to Pride yesterday in West Hollywood. I didn't really feel like it due to the overwhelming fragility I have been feeling lately, but I figured there was no harm in seeing a parade, right? We positioned ourselves on the patio of a bar with a good view and ordered a round of drinks. Since it was 11:00am, it was decided that Bloody Mary's would be the best breakfast alcoholic drink. We stayed there for the parade (Amanda Lepore! Janice Dickenson!) and the parade (guys with dogs! girls with mullets!) and the parade (Bloody Mary! Bloddy Maui!). I was well on my way to Betty Ford when we left the bar in search of food. We shopped a little on the way and our new friend Mike picked out some fabulous Prada glasses for me. JR got some pants, which were real. My Prada's were not.

Finally, we make it to a hamburger place and order beers and food. I didn't eat very much because I got caught up in a conversation, regarding travel and the best place to get a passport, with a really friendly lesbian. Then it was back to the bar for shots and beers and even more lesbians! We had fun and I even spoke briefly to Holly on the phone. After that, we went back to JR's car to regroup and prepare for the rest of the day. That's when I realized that I had lost my phone. JR gets a call from whoever picked it up and we end up chasing them around trying to get my phone back. That's about the time I snapped, and not in a cute Wayans Brothers way... More like Courtney Love on a bender.

It just seemed to me, that whoever took my phone did so to maliciously ruin my day and when I finally see them pull up on Melrose, I run up to their car and kicked it as hard as I could, then, much to my shame and horror, I found myself screaming racial slurs at them. This behavior I attribute to having sat through season 2 of Deadwood and watching Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic, both of which generously use the particular word I chose. JR dealt with the offended party and talked them out of pressing charges. They left and I took off running in the other direction. This happens quite often when I drink more than I should. I could not outrun JR and he really was an angel throughout my entire psychotic break. This is how we looked to passersby:

Unfortunately, we went back to the festival where JR tried to calm me down with beer and oxygen. Then a series of terrifying events happened, including using a disgusting portable toilet, eating dried up rice and some kind of meat on a stick while Taylor Dayne insisted upon singing her crappy songs on a too-near stage. After a bumpy ride that had me desperate to vomit, JR dropped me off at home. Needless to say, I won't be drinking for a while. When we got to my place, my parents called me, saying how worried they were because they had gotten a call from someone using my phone and it really freaked them out. I apologized and promptly passed out. I awoke this morning feeling like shit and far less than "proud" of anything I had done yesterday. Some lessons are never learned.

Some wounds are self-inflicted.


Dale said...

The Coming Of The White Man indeed!

ziggystardust73 said...

alcohol sometimes turns me psychotic also. My friends used to be amused but now they just prepare the battle stations...

sorry you had a shitty time mister, hope you're feeling better.

Saviour Onassis said...

Dale: Indeed! Racism is bad and I'm not as Scary as Al Swearengen or as sweet as Sarah Silverman. I need to leave it to the professionals.

Ziggy: I do feel better now. Thanks

Holly said...

I awoke this morning feeling like shit and far less than "proud" of anything I had done yesterday. Some lessons are never learned.

I'm never proud of the times I lose my temper or drink too much.... I think I only continue to do both or either because sometimes I get a good story out of the experience, a wise little cautionary tale everyone but me should learn something from.

I'm glad you got your phone back.

Saviour Onassis said...

A cautionary tale.... Why do I always feel like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her after she drinks the potion and Isabella Rossellini says: Now... A warning!

NOW?!? A Warning?!?

Too little, too late.

mike said...

I'm the "new friend Mike" and even though this day sounds ultimately troubling-- it was, in fact, quite a great day. So lovely meeting you darlin. Hope you wear your new fashion lenses in good health. ;-)

Saviour Onassis said...

Welcome Mike! And yes, the glasses are fierce!

You were smart that day! I was not. First impressions, what can you do?

Most people who actually know me don't really read my blog, much less comment. Thanks for taking the time...