Monday, July 10, 2006

Me Want Nookie!

This post is inappropriate for children. If you are a child, please leave now. Or the tooth fairy will come and tear out all your teeth tonight and leave you bleeding, crying and penniless. So, click the fuck out of here NOW!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with Cookie Monster? Really hot, ferocious, reckless sex?Just judging from the way he goes after those cookies, I would venture to say that he's a pretty good fuck. It has crossed my mind, but I am not into the Plushie Scene. Not that there is anything wrong with that. If your motto is: "I wanna fuck you like a stuffed animal!" More power to you. It's just not my thing.

It is kind of like how I know if a guy is really straight. A really straight guy has probably experimented in the gay arts at one time or another and will admit it, if pushed. Whether he was drunk or curious or in college, many men have dabbled, if you know what I mean. Even if a guy just starts making out with me to stop me from talking incessantly about the fabulousity of Christina Aguilera, that doesn't make him gay. That's what I mean by really straight. If he tried it and didn't like it, there is nothing I can do. Though, I will say that the majority of "straights" who have tried it with me, liked it and came back for more. But I digress...

I will readily and willingly admit that I have had sexual relations with a stuffed animal. It was okay, but not something that I needed to do again. I was thirteen and having a sleepover with my friend Galen, who introduced me to the concept and I suspect is still a practicing plushophile. We chose our "dates" from his little sisters collection of stuffed animals and snuck outside to the "fort" we had constructed. He had chosen a bunny and I had picked a panda. We climbed into our sleeping bags and began to hump the helpless toys with teenage abandon. We didn't stop until we heard a voice say: "Boys! Stop that!"

It was Galen's father, whom I had heard walk up on us. He had stood outside the fort for some time before admonishing us. That really turned me on. This was a man who felt it was patriotic to mow his front lawn in a red, white & blue Speedo and flip flops. I had often wondered what kind of man he was, to parade around in next to nothing and name his only son, Galen... I had never seen so much Man-Flesh on display in my neighborhood before. I had a crush on my best friends father and he had caught us raping small plushies in the backyard. I could never quite look him in the eye again. But I did watch him trim his grass, almost religiously from my bedroom window. Galen and I never had another sleepover, as it had been decided by our parents that we were too old for such things. It's just as well. I had my own masturbatory fetishes to explore.

Maybe someday, I will tell you about my days as a Zootaphile... Anyway, Cookie Monster is totally hot and I would do him in a heartbeart.

6 comments:

The Delusioneer said...

i was a crazy kid too. one year for christmas i got a santa bear... you know where this is going... i can say the same thing, not into plushies. but at that time of exploration in my life santa bear seemed like a hot fuck.

SlayGirl said...

The first thing I thought of when you mentioned Cookie Monster in this context was that he had a man's hand up his ass all day.

Dale said...

N is for Nookie, that's good enough for me.

ziggystardust73 said...

I was more of a fan of Animal from the Muppets....

he's hot.

Bored Dominatrix said...

Even if a guy just starts making out with me to stop me from talking incessantly about the fabulousity of Christina Aguilera, that doesn't make him gay.

What? Are you serious? All I've ever had to do to get you to stop talking about the fabulousity of Xtina is to remind you that you worked on her "Dirty" video and hated that nasty piece of skank.

The first thing I thought of when you mentioned Cookie Monster in this context was that he had a man's hand up his ass all day.

I wish I'd thought of that.

Saviour Onassis said...

Delusioneer- Christmas is a special time, isn't it?

Slaygirl- I hadn't thought about that, but now that you've brought it to my attention... That probably explains the appeal.

Dale- LOL! Yes, it's good enough for me, too!

Ziggy- Yeah, Animal is pretty hot. I tend to go for beefier puppets myself.

Domi- Xtina was a total skank back then. But if you get a chance to see her new stuff, you should check it out. The bitch is knocking it out of the ballpark! Totally fierce!

Thank you all for commenting on my Monday Morning Madness!