Saturday, July 29, 2006

Now With 25% Less

So, at some point in the last two years, I lost 25% of my body weight, going from 205 pounds down to my current weight of 155. This went largely ignored by people who see me all the time. But since I work in a profession where you don't see people for weeks, months or even years at a time, this last week had me constantly dealing with people's shocked expressions and stupid questions. "How did you do it?" or "What happened to you?" being the most common.

My attitude about the whole weight loss thing is fairly blase. I am over it and no longer feel the same enthusiasm for talking about it that I once did. Yeah, yeah, I was fat and my ass was like a house. Yeah, yeah, I know I look good. Now, I answer the questions about the disappearance of my hugeness in a different way, for my own entertainment. It usually goes something like this:

Have you lost weight?
No, I just got taller.

How did you do it?
I just listened to The Carpenters a lot.

Was it a special diet?
Yes, it requires you to drink tons of water and smoke lots of crack.

What happened to you? (This is usually accompanied by an unattractive facial expression that seems disgusted by my thin frame and so they get...)
I have a genetic disease that is eating away at my flesh, it's highly contagious.

Are you going to keep losing weight?
Yes, the doctors say that I will completely disappear in about six months. It's quite upsetting.

You looked better fat.
Shut up, Courtney!

Why didn't anyone tell me that being skinny just makes people hate you? I'm starting to empathize with the Nicole's of the world... You know, the skinny bitches like me.

11 comments:

rickhard88 said...

you have a genetic disease that's eating away at your flesh,,,,,,and it's highly contagious... That's fierce. courtney must be a fatty, no offense, from one skinny bitch to another, wrkit out!

Saviour Onassis said...

Courtney is HUGE! Thanks Richard. Us skinny bitches gotta look out for each other...

Dale said...

Skinny bitches are people too. When I figure a way to lose 20 pounds, I'm going to be working that Carpenters line with such blase attitude.

anne altman said...

more people will want to be photographed with you if you gain the weight back.

Saviour Onassis said...

Thanks Dale. Feel free to steal from me anytime. And I have a feeling that those twenty pounds aren't such a big deal.

Anne, I'm not sure I understand what you mean... Help me out here.

Dale said...

Cause you'll be the fat slob they look good next to?

mellowlee said...

Three years ago i lost maybe 50 lbs. I got reallllly tired of hearing people's comments after a while.

Why is it that people figure it is ok to bring up someone's weight anyways? (doesn't matter if they have gained or lost) I think that's just annoying.

Saviour Onassis said...

Yeah, like bringing up the fact that someone isn't photogenic.

Is this thing on?

The Delusioneer said...

some day i wanna be so fat you have to roll me out of the apartment with a fork lift... or you could just burn down the building...

Saviour Onassis said...

I'll burn it down. Everybody loves bacon, right?

SlayGirl said...

You make a really good point SO. I love your witty retorts. I have been meaning to make a post about this subject for a while. The fact that people think that they are somehow obligated to comment on other peoples' weight has always bugged me.